Playing with my thoughts

 

Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia; generally speaking is the fear of death. but can also be the fear of loosing a person.

we meet people everyday, in school, places of worship, market,..... meeting people is like a major factor, its a reflex unconsious part of our lives, it occurs weather we want it or not.

i recall what it was like being in a bording school, at that point our lives seemed to evolve around each other, the daily routine wasn’t more than class, chapel, dinning, hostel you are restriced to seeing just your mates, teachers, school workers, gate men and probably visitors. it was a convent though. 

there was nothing else we could think of or imagine than leaving those tall gates, the high walls that kept us away from the world, we wanted to be free, wear actuall clothes, see people aside students and teachers that begin to pain your eyes because you see them every single day. we craved so bad for freedom. 

Towards the end of our extension days, we were rounding up, picking outfits and colors for our valedictory service, writing our last papers and the likes, taking photos for the year book, drafting speeches, giving our possesions to our juniors, but some were inside, there was a fear growing, that very disturbing feeling of  "is this really it?',do we just move on with our lives? Our extension days was so fun cause it was just girls from my level, we explored our abilities, stupidity, sturboness, wierdness and so on.

One night i and my freinds we went to class, we sat down, the school was so quiet it was actually during a night prep and millicent(my sit partner) said; so in a week or two, we would be free, we get to explore those thing we only hear and imagine, then amanda(noisy but popular girl) was like'' ï know right'' it would be just you against the word no guidiance, but i said what if we never actually ever get to see each other again? some will travel, some stay back, some get married, some get admission while others dont, what if some die? what if we never get to share moments any more? we never ever get to see? all we will have will be memories and stories, chisom(petite and baby of the class) began to cry, i didnt cry though but i was so scared my body system was excessively secreting adrenaline as frequently as it could, my last days at high school every body seemed so happy, so exited, really ansious, but i was so scared, how do i start to intaract with new people? what exactly is out there? so i might never get to see any one of them again? we wont have milo flakes, biscuit soup, fighting for food in the dinning, dancing in the rain, bathing collectively... this thoughts clouded my mind, rather than being happy i was freaking out.........

why meet people if they will go? 

the fear of loosing people most times restrict us to ooportunities, trying new things, stepping out, taking chances. life has a routine that we dont control. at a piont in your lives as regularly as possible, we meet people, we dont exactly determine who stays, life actually does that for us, all we need do is  play our roles then seat back and watch, we dont actually decide who comes in and who walkes away or who stays, some times the people we get so attached to , the ones we feel we can't live without are the ones that actually leave, then you notice the ones you themed silly or unimportant are those that stay the longest.

being anthrophobic is not a disease its a frequently growing anxiety and fobia for things that involve people expecially people you are not conversant with.